“You NEED to slow down!”
“But I can’t – what am I going to give up? What am I going to say no to?”
“Just let some things go –
certain things can wait. The reason I
work so hard is so that you can stay at home with the kids and enjoy them.”
“I guess I could let some things go in the house,
but that drives me nuts. When the house
is out of order, it drives me crazy and I can’t relax and have fun with the
kids anyways. And what about those
things I prayed about – I feel led to be in them.”
“You’re too busy. You need to let some things go… Focus on the things that matter!”
Have you ever had a
conversation similar to the one above?
Whether it was with your husband or a friend, a co-worker, or maybe even
with yourself in your head. Everyone I
know nowadays is swamped with so many things.
We live in such a fast-paced society and it can be absolutely exhausting!
Since last spring and
particularly since this summer, my husband and I have laboriously looking at
absolutely every little thing that takes up our time. We’ve written down all of our
commitments. We looked at how much each
one takes and costs. We’ve looked at
duties we do around the house and with the kids. Basically, we’ve taken inventory of
everything that we do in a given day and really looked at if that certain
activity or duty is what we’re supposed to be doing with our very precious time
each day.
Take this Blog for
example… I absolutely LOVE writing and
it’s very therapeutic for me. I made a
goal to write every weekend once school started. If you’ve noticed (which, thank you, if you
have!), I haven’t written anything since August. How pathetic!!! Unfortunately, though, I haven’t had any time
to write. I’ve had to prioritize
everything that’s on my ‘To-Do’ list and my Blog hasn’t made it to the
top. Until today, that is! I’m down at my parents’ for a wedding and
long weekend, so I’ve been able to sneak away for a little writing therapy. While I can't guarantee I'll be able to write every weekend from here on out, I can tell you I'll write when I can. Please check back periodically and sign up to receive my posts via email, if you'd like.
How about you? Have you ever looked at how you’re spending
your time? Basically, we each have 24
hours a day. Out of those 24 hours,
hopefully you’re sleeping at least 8 of them.
That leaves about 16 hours a day that you have at your fingertips. What are you doing with those hours? Are you working? Are you with your kids? Are you at school? Are you doing housework? Are you on the computer – FaceBook, your
email, etc.? What are you doing each day?
The first time I sat
down and took inventory, I got a really sick feeling in my stomach. This activity was very convicting! I’d like to say I’ve made immediate changes,
but I haven’t. It’s been very laborious
and a daily chore to pray about what God wants me to do. BUT, I’ve been SO GLAD that I’ve followed through with this conviction!
Life is fleeting away
and I don’t want to wake up down the road with have regrets. I found a great article that talked about
regrets and putting things that matter FIRST, not last:
Anticipating
Deathbed Regrets
by Mark DeMoss
The bitterest tears shed over graves are for words left unsaid and
deeds left undone.
-Harriet Beecher Stowe
Billy Graham has preached in person to
more human beings, an estimated two hundred million, than anyone in history.
Few public figures of the past century, even Churchill or Roosevelt, hold more
respect. In fact, in the annual Gallup Poll of "America's Most Admired
Men," the name of Billy Graham has appeared in the top ten a record
forty-nine times, including a record forty-two
consecutive years.
Would it surprise you, then, to know that the man who has held the world's ear
and counseled every American president since Dwight D. Eisenhower has regrets
about his life? In his autobiography, “Just
as I Am”, Mr. Graham confesses that while he took on the whole
world, he lost something at home:
“This is a difficult
subject for me to write about, but over the years, the Billy Graham
Evangelistic Association and the Team became my second family without my
realizing it. Ruth says those of us who were off traveling missed the best part
of our lives—enjoying the children as they grew. She is probably right. I was
too busy preaching all over the world.
Only Ruth and the children can tell what those extended times of
separation meant to them. For myself, as I look back, I now know that I came
through those years much the poorer both psychologically and emotionally. I
missed so much by not being home to see the children grow and develop.”
For decades, Nelson Mandela was the
iconic leader of resistance for South African blacks under the system of race
segregation known as apartheid, and behind his sacrifice, an entire people
rallied for liberty. But in 1992, not long after he was released from twenty
years behind bars on Robben Island, and before a horde of reporters in
Johannesburg, Mandela grew surprisingly candid about his most profound loss.
"It seems to be the destiny of freedom fighters to have unstable personal
lives," he said. "When your life is the struggle, as mine was, there
is little room left for family. That has always been my greatest regret, and
the most painful aspect of the choice I made."
At the wedding of his daughter Zindzi, Mandela agonized afresh. "We
watched our children growing without our guidance. When I did come out of
prison, my children said, 'We thought we had a father and one day he'd come
back. But to our dismay, our father came back and he left us alone because he
has now become the father of the nation.'"
The tormented father wrote in his autobiography Long Walk to Freedom, "To be the father of
a nation is a great honor, but to be the father of a family is a greater joy.
But it was a joy I had far too little of."
A personal resolution
Those of us off the world stage live no less in the shadow of things undone:
prime hours spent on the road or in the office, marriage to the
"wrong" person, fitness and health gone to seed, money gone before
the spending ended, children gone before we knew them.
Even in high school, I could see that while a person can live only a day at a
time, life tallies and one day presents us with the sum of our actions. Clearly
my father's early death shaped my thoughts here. With that in mind, I began to
notice when someone around me tried to reverse a harmful habit or lifestyle:
the open-heart surgery survivor counting cholesterol, the newly divorced father
leaving work early for restricted time with his kids. And it made sense to me,
though I was only in high school, that if a young man were aware of adults'
most common regrets, he might try to avoid them.
Don't think that I began right away. My father died at the start of my senior
year of high school—not a natural point for a kid to begin preventive health
measures. And for the next eight or ten years, I didn't (other than switching
from whole milk to skim). If something on a dish looked good, I ate it. Except
for four years of college football, I coasted on nature's gift to youth.
Post-college, I took a few extra pounds in stride. Post-marriage, I made room
for a few more. By age twenty-eight, the few-here-few-there increase on the
scales was thirty pounds over my college placekicker weight.
The real kicker was my trip to see Dr. Kenneth Cooper at his famous clinic in
Dallas. Dr. Cooper is the father of the modern aerobics movement. He knows a
little about heart disease. After my body was measured, scanned, and analyzed,
I had sufficient incentive to commit to a life of low-fat foods and regular
exercise, routines I have kept, so far, for nearly two decades.
In my thirties, my deliberate attempt to reduce deathbed regrets expanded to
include my family. By now I was a young man heading my own company, traveling
too much, especially given the ages of my children. So at age thirty-eight, I
resolved that by age forty, I would cut my business travel in half. To seal my
resolve, I announced the plan to my wife.
This resolution proved a little tougher. My work was taking me around the world
to people and events that, in many cases, were history-making. Client
assignments had taken me to South Africa, Sudan, England, Scotland, Germany,
Peru, Australia, The Netherlands, Bosnia, India, and all across the U.S. But
while that schedule impressed many people, my children were not among them.
Moreover, if my status with Delta Airlines threatened my status at home, I knew
what had to give.
So in the coming months, I began to say no to certain clients and new business
opportunities. And it got easier. And the business survived. In the interest of
full and frank disclosure, while my travel may not have downsized a full 50
percent, it did shrink dramatically—and I considerably increased ordinary,
routine, normal-living time with my wife and children.
Every day is gone forever
At this point you may be thinking that few employees can choose to decline
travel assignments, and you would be right. But the fact remains that too many
entrepreneurs and executives can trim their schedules and they choose not to. I
spoke once to a young, Important Man who traveled widely to Important Places
but could not remember what grade in school his daughter was enrolled in.
Billy Graham confessed, "Every day I was absent from my family is gone
forever. Although much of that travel was necessary, some of it was not."
Something about the American work schedule is not outright anti-family but
perilously close to being un-family—we work as if our spouse and children are
what we do on those few occasions when professional pursuits subside.
Meanwhile, a world-renowned achiever regrets every day absent from family is
gone forever. Ultimately, we are what we do every day. What defines us is not
one large good intention to be a good person, or parent—it's a hundred thousand
ongoing choices of every size that arise when we're tired, satisfied,
distracted, full of ourselves, threatened, happy, reactionary, sentimental,
hurried, bored …
We're not talking about New Year's resolutions here; we're talking about every
person's option, sooner or later, to live deliberately. Every week, it seems, I
hear another personal story of a marriage too early or to the "wrong"
person, personal bankruptcy, a destructive affair, blinding stress, tobacco-related
lung cancer or emphysema, a child lost to alcohol or drug abuse, obesity
complications … as many variations as there are people with prime years to
waste.
The ticking clock intimidates us, even frightens us; but while time is
unforgiving, God is not. What lies behind us is gone and consequences are
inevitable; but God is in the business of redemption and we can still give him
the years we have. Perhaps pride is the biggest hurdle because busyness holds
some sense of self-importance.
I would highly encourage you to
take inventory of each hour of your day.
Do it for a week and then evaluate what needs to change. Write down all of your commitments and see
how much time each takes and how much money you’re investing into each one. Look at each activity each member of your
family is involved with and decide if this activity is something that should
continue or if it needs to end. Continue
taking inventory for a month and, again, re-evaluate. What needs to change? Prayerfully reconsider your priorities and
decide what God actually wants you to invest your time in.
And then, the hard part
comes. CHANGING! Say no to commitments that you know would
only take time away from your family. Tell people who you've already said yes to that you thought it (the activity or commitment) would work, but you've found that it isn't going to work out.
Have a family meeting and set some parameters for the amount of
activities that each of you will be involved with. Then, keep each other accountable.
Let’s be realistic – in the end
all of these activities and commitments aren’t going to matter!
Matthew 6:19-21
New International Version
(NIV)
Treasures
in Heaven
19 “Do not
store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moths and vermin destroy, and
where thieves break in and steal.
20 But store up for yourselves
treasures in heaven, where moths and vermin do not destroy, and where thieves
do not break in and steal. 21 For where your treasure is, there your heart will be
also.
