Saturday, July 12, 2014

Everybody Has a Wound to be Healed


 
I.AM.HEALING...

In many ways it made perfect sense:  I have some wounds, and they’re still healing.  My healing is, well, a PROCESS.

proc·ess1

A series of actions, changes, or functions bringing about a result.   

Scars are external, but they’re also internal.  My internal wounds are still pretty raw.  Blood trickles from these wounds.  Hurtful people make them bleed. Words make them sting, and mean actions tear them open.  Rehashing the hurt turns my mind into a pendulum swinging between stable and irrational. 


I think, “When will I heal?!  When will this pain stop?!”

My inner reasoning retorts,
Unfortunately, there is no concrete answer to this question. Scar healing times vary.  The length of time it takes a scar to heal depends on how much tissue was damaged, the age of the person and the location of the injury, all of which require patience on your part. 

“I get it - healing isn’t some generic process.  It’s individualized, and healing times vary.  Then there’s that very important word: patience.  Good things come to those who wait.  And, I wait because healing is a process.  But, sometimes it can be ugly.”

“Scars are typically ugly as they go into the healing process.  Scars start out looking angry, thick and red.”


I remember the day I told my family about my rape.  Weeks before my counselor and I had talked about if I was ready.  I wondered and waited, thinking about the point I was at in my healing process.  One day I decided, “I’m ready!  Yes – I’m really ready!”  So, I sat down and wrote an email.  But, the tug of war hadn’t relented and those voices in my head fought back, “No…this will be too painful for them.  What will they think and say when they read your email?”

 

That email sat for several more weeks.  And then a day in April came.  That was the day I was going to hit ‘Send’.  I needed to hit ‘Send’!  My wound was ready to scab over – to move to the next step in the process.

 

You see, I had been wounded for nearly ten years.  A cold January night in Denver, Colorado, changed my life forever.  My job took me out West with some coworkers.  That night we drank too much.  At some point, I woke up in a room with a man I barely knew.  He threw me on the bed and raped me.  I tried to get him off, but the effects of the alcohol and his bigger posture made it impossible.  When he was done, he threw my clothes at me and shoved me out the door.  Hitting the wall, I lay in a heap in a hotel hallway wondering how a successful woman in her twenties had just become a rape victim.  Nothing made sense at that point in time! 

 

Because of the pain, I drank heavily for months, which turned into years, until I had repressed any thought of Denver deep in my mind.  Nine and a half years later, while listening to a Christian podcast, that horrific moment burst out in full force into my awareness.  Months of therapy followed.  I was on a train I so badly wanted to stop riding.  Finally, on that day in April, the train came to a screeching halt.

 
I hit ‘Send’.  The calls came and the tears ran.  Those tears were like precious drops of healing rain!  Jesus wiped away every tear; He collected them one by one.  He held my hand, stroked my hair and whispered, “Shhhhh…it’s o.k.  I’m right here.  I know it’s not fair this happened to you.  But, I was there.  I saw you.  I will turn that night around and make it good.”  By the end of the day, I was exhausted and looked like I had been through a flu pandemic.  From the outside, that day was ugly, but something was happening.  My wound was slowly, ever so slowly, starting to heal…

Shortly after the calls from my family, the fog slowly began to lift and the epiphany came.  My mind drifted straight to Jesus.  He was God-made-human two thousand plus years ago.  He felt the same pain we suffer.  Physical pain and emotional pain left Him with many scars.  His scars followed Him to His death.  His most painful scars gave us life and ultimate healing.

 

“But he was pierced for our transgressions, he was crushed for our iniquities; the punishment that brought us peace was on him, and by his wounds we are healed.”  Isaiah 53:5 (NIV)

 

By His wounds, we are healed.  Those words are like salve, penetrating deeply into my soul.  By HIS wounds, WE are healed!  We’ve all been hurt.  We all have our trophy scars, and we’re all yearning for healing.  The solution makes perfect sense!  Call out to Jesus and ask Him to heal us.  Jesus never delays, and He’ll regenerate your heart.  No, it’s true; some of your scars may never fully go away, but consider the words found in Galatians:

 

“From now on, don’t let anyone trouble me with these things. For I bear on my body the scars that show I belong to Jesus.”  Galatians 6:17 (NLT)

 


People can be cruel; they make bad choices, leaving us with pain.  Because we belong to Jesus, we will endure suffering.  These trials leave scars, each needing to go through the healing process.  No matter what we endure and no matter what scars we are given, we can find solace that we belong to Jesus.  He’s the ultimate Healer and can help us conquer life’s challenges.  Our scars will remain to remind us where we’ve been and what we’ve experienced.  In victory, we can cry out to Jesus and rise above the pain being ultimately healed! 

 

“Never be ashamed of the scars life has left you with.  A scar means the hurt is over, the wound is closed, you endured the pain and God has healed you.”  Anonymous


To the blogging world, I am 'Break of Dawn' due to the personal content of my blog.  I am in the process of revealing my true identity on Wordpress.com.  Watch for this reveal in the very near future.  Until then, I am a lover of Christ, wife, and mom who writes to bring healing.

 

 
 

11 comments:

  1. I want you to know I'm here today. And I'm hearing you. And I'm grateful for God who has healed you. Praying for continued healing ...

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  2. Hmm - I'm not sure if my previous comment went through. I am praying for you, with you. I, too, am recovering and healing from some big hurts. And while it's not the same as yours, I do know how it takes time and I will pray through with you. I'll be back again tomorrow with a fresh mind to read through this again. Much love!!

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  3. My comment got lost too, I think. I wish we as an online community could wrap our arms around you. Yet I am so humbled that we could be part of your journey, part of your healing, by listening, praying, and encouraging you. Thank you for being brave enough to share your story and inviting others into your healing process. We are so glad you linked up at The Loft so we could find you. May God continue to bless you and heal you.

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  4. Wow! You are an amazing writer. Thank you for sharing your story. You are a very brave and strong woman! I will be praying for your continued healing by the Great Physician!

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  5. Love you Jenn, so glad you share your story and trust Jesus. You may not know your faith is strong because you feel weak, but I see great faith in you!!! Stand firm sister! God's got your back!

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  6. I stopped by from TheLoft Link UP. What a beautiful story of bravery, healing, and hope. God will, and probably is, using this post to minister to others who have walked your same road. Blessings to you!

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  7. Wow - I'm so glad I came back today to read this again. It's completely understandable why you're keeping your identity concealed, at least for now. I just want to remind you - because I know that you know - that God will take the ugly, hard, painful things that happen in our lives, and He will work, as only HE can, to bring beauty out of it all. I wish, I'm sure we all wish, that we could avoid the pain. I struggle with my own feelings of, "Why did this have to happen TO me?" and like you, I've heard God tell me that He sees me, He's heard me, He's protecting me even now, and that He WILL bring beauty and glory to His name through these hard times. Praying!!

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  8. Thank you for sharing your story. I am here via the Loft I also have had some trauma and kept it buried for many years...and bringing it out into the light has been a big part of healing. I have also tried to figure out what to do to keep my blog anonymous. Didn't help too much when my mom used my name in the comments. :)

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  9. This blessed me in so many ways! You are truly a strong person. I can identify with you on so many levels. Keep sharing your story :)

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  10. Thank you for sharing your story with such honesty and bravery. So thankful for the healing that comes through Christ. Praying for your continued healing!

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  11. Thank you for sharing your heart, your struggles, and your pain. I've been through much and it seems that the Lord continues to allow more. But when I look back at previous horrifically painful experiences I have had, I see how much God has healed me. So when a new trial comes, I know He has more healing grace to rain down on me. Love you sister and praying for your continued healing. Remember WHO you are, A Daughter of The King!

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